The Spiral Cuff Health Metrics Machine goes dimensions beyond your typical drugstore blood pressure machine—several dimensions. Spiral Cuff Health Metrics divines important information about your qualitative metaphysical health using standards developed by Dramcorp's Advanced Research Team. Simply insert your arm into the spiral cuff and grab the joystick with embedded biometaphysical receivers to select from a range of symptoms from "blampf" to "ear sogginess" in order to receive your results from Drammit, our friendly pill-shaped assistant.